front row.
did i see you winking? or is that me thinking? should i show affection to the guy in the front row? did i see you smile? ‘cause you’ve been here for a while… should i make a connection with the guy in the front row? but you don’t know where i’m from, where i belong; all you know is my name. and you only know what you see, and that really isn’t me, but i’m glad that you came. are you making passes while i’m pleasing the masses? well, i know all about you; you’re the guy in the front row. are you trying to distract me while you try to attract me? but i know what to do about you, in the front row, ‘cause you don’t know where i’m from, where i belong; all you know is my name. and you only know what you see, and that really isn’t me, but i’m glad that you came. so when i turn around, stop looking down, see you on the ground, but i’m love bound. got a place to be; want to hang with me? hope you can see you’re my destiny. i see your love coming out; i know what you’re all about, but there’s nothing i can do right now. just let me say: it’s been a good day, so don’t ruin it by running away ‘cause i just might put up a fight to be with you tonight; i know it’s not right. what’s going on in my mind? what have you helped me find? but i’ll get through to you somehow…
wait for it. tomorrow. i promise. every guy is the guy in the front row. every night is like waiting at the bar. rod stewart is still cool, and you know it.
“… i don’t feel the thing.”
“honey… you should always feel The Thing.”
i’m here with the nightly news: 10:14 PM (CST), 5/27/09.
i had these imported into facebook for a whole minute, but… i feel too exposed doing that. i think i’d rather have an independent blog, where it doesn’t seem so… smeared (follow the yellow brick… URL). this week is weird. the more i push myself to keep busy, the less i like not being busy. the weekend was fabulous. i mean i worked the whole thing, but i love my job, so it was okay. plus i ran my ass off all five days, basically, so… i didn’t have to bother working out, which is something i’m trying to do, because even just dropping my twenty pounds is a good goal. i walked for a good two hours today too, so my legs are sore, but, it was worth it. i hope it’ll be worth it. i’d like to have something to show for it at the end of the summer, like, my tattoo. i did get my grades this week though, which was exciting and nerve-wracking… i’ve never taken that many classes AND handled work, so i was nervous about them, but i did okay. i got an A in math, a B in english, and a B in history. i don’t know how the universe works that i got a higher grade in math than i did in english, but… no C’s, so i’m not complaining. i feel like i had a lot more quippy and clever things planned to say, involving rod stewart and my new snow boots, but… in the last hour, they disappeared.
i know i need to stop carefully constructing everything i say, and still worrying about impressions like i do, like i have, but… weird things are still going down. i feel like the mess still needs some sorting out. i want to be mad, i feel mad and a little shocked, but… logically, i have no reason to feel that way. and i hate that it feels messy. if we just talked, normal, like we used to… i don’t think there would even be a problem. i don’t think i’d feel like i had something to worry about. i think the line was crossed, and now everyone knows where they stand… but maybe, i think i’m more worried about who else he told, or what else he said, because given that we’re not talking right now… i can’t imagine he’s saying anything good if he’s saying anything at all. i was actually sleepy before, but now i’m wide awake, with nothing to say, because there’s no telling how the story looks to everyone else. i hate that i even care, but i still don’t like the feeling of anyone possibly talking behind my back, much less in a situation like this. i’m pretty sure i’ll be fine, it’s just a frustrating situation/feeling sometimes. this is NOT how things were supposed to go. i think i need some nintendo and friends reruns in my life; goodnight.
