Huh, never heard that before.
(via slutbag)
Love.
“i think i grew a gray watching you procrastinate. what are you waiting for, a certain shade of green?”
well it finally happened. anthony and i finally committed to an exercise regime to get in shape, and tonight was the first night we actually tried the couch to 5k program (http://www.c25k.com/). it involved some aches and pains, not to mention some irritation due to the fact that i absolutely loathe running or anything like it as a form of exercise. i’ll keep with it for a while, but if i still hate it in a week or so… i will find something else.
i seem to be getting things back together a little bit… maybe. i’m trying to break out of the funk, calmly and easily. i figure if i take it one thing at a time, i might have a chance of getting control over everything again and not feeling so overwhelmed (and a hell of a lot less moody). most of the things i vented troubles about last week have been sort of resolved, and i’m on my way to figuring out the rest, like school. i have one month to get all my work done, so i just need to be diligent about it. not running around like a maniac and trying to get everything done at once, trying to slowly but surely tackle the mountain of homework. and if i don’t… i will just keep it in mind for next time. i am not taking classes over the summer, and i am enrolling in the web development associate’s degree program at austin community college this fall.
i haven’t quite found a solution to the money though; there must be some sort of leak in my bank account (through my debit card, no doubt). but you know, it’s always been that way, and i’ve always been fine. not great, but fine. i’m definitely excited about the school thing though. i will always see myself as a writer, of course, but i have loved messing with computers and the internet since high school. i took web mastering to fulfill a credit requirement, and i absolutely loved it, so at least as a transitional thing (if not more) this degree is going to be cool, useful, and some fun. i just hate the idea of being in school for another two years :/ blah.
“just because i’m losing, doesn’t mean i’m lost. doesn’t mean i’ll stop. doesn’t mean i will cross. just because i’m hurting, doesn’t mean i’m hurt. doesn’t mean i didn’t get what i deserved; no better and no worse. i just got lost. every river that i tried to cross, every door i ever tried was locked. oh, and i’m just waiting until the shine wears off.”
reasons i haven’t been writing:
school. i am so behind on school. volunteering for sxsw completely put me behind, and i don’t know if i am ever going to catch up. i’m almost tempted to just cut my losses and drop the class. i have five papers to write, and in one week, i only completed one. and the assignments keep coming and coming. i want to start working on an actual degree right about now, to change my career path, but i am losing my motivation, and fast.
work. i love my job, no doubt. and i love my co-workers, and me being behind in school is my fault, etc. but it has been rough this past week, because it was really busy. i was definitely pleased with what i learned, the three days i just got off, and i will be pleased with the extra pay too. just a tense week.
social life. it has kind of gone by the wayside. with everything going on, i just haven’t had time for it, and it makes me a little sad. i don’t know if i should be too busy for other people, or if it’s more normal to have a healthy social life. i feel like one is probably cooler than the other, but the less cool one suits me better. i don’t know. i have people, and i miss them. i don’t like feeling like there’s always a deadline, always. i have been trying to make friends with my other roommate, but he’s sarcastic and sometimes it can be hard if i’m being joked with or made fun of buttttttttt… i guess there’s not much to do about that, except try not to let it make me feel frowny.
money. money has been an issue for me for a long time, and i have a feeling that isn’t changing anytime soon. the shopping season is coming quickly, so i am trying to ease my mind about it, but since i pay for my own school, it is kind of hard. i don’t get financial aide either. i don’t want to be a money-obsessed person either, but it doesn’t really seem like i have a choice if i want to survive.
stressing about my dog. i am so worried about my boy :( . i want him to survive, of course. but is it worth it if he is miserable? no. so i want these feeding tricks to work. i want to see some fat on his bones. i want the whites of his eyes to be white again. but if he is miserable, i want to set him free. it is torture to even think of the possibility that he might be suffering, that we might be prolonging it. and it nags at me every day. i have to stop a few times a day just to pull myself back together thinking about it because i feel at least somewhat responsible. of all the reasons i haven’t written, this is the worst to me.
sxsw. anthony and i volunteered, and it was a lot of fun! you can actually read his thorough account @ http://www.xebix.com. but it also contributed to my problem of not enough sleep and too many tasks. it definitely put my life on hold.
and a lot of other crap. it really is just the feeling of being tugged in too many directions, but in general, not so much just one particular thing. but there has been some good, i must say. i finally found out my tax return money comes in soon. anthony and i have had a lot of fun nights out. he bought me a phone, which i will of course pay him back for, but i freaking love the phone. and best of all, he and i just toasted our pancake-and-sausage on a stick things that we are now allowed to eat, because it is past midnight. anyway, i guess i just wanted to air grievances and hope for resolutions. tonight has been a really good night; so goodnight to all.
i usually blog about being bored with school or work or other day to day things (i am in the middle of writing up my sxsw blogs) but i wanted to take a minute to talk about something else: my dog. i have had my dog riley since he was a baby, since we picked him up from the breeder so many years ago. we thought we had dealt with a reputable breeder, but we’ve since found out that other puppies from that litter and that breeder have had health problems and have passed away or been euthanized… it might be riley’s turn. he seemed fine for a really long time but he’s getting more and more ill. he’s barely eating any food, no matter which kind of food we buy or what kind of stuff we put on it to encourage him to eat it, and his ribs are starting to show (which, for a dog as woolly as he is, is saying a lot). there are a few other cues that he’s getting worse, and since he has also had a health problem for a few years, and we’ve already spent so much money trying to fix all of that, there’s no more money to spend on him anymore. the only money that we would be able to spend is to put him down, and even for people who aren’t my closest friends, it’s obvious how much this dog means to me. he’s pretty much family, so just keep your fingers crossed that he doesn’t suffer. thank you.
And at the end of the day, when everyone’s gone and the lights go dim, I’ll still be here. I will always be here, until the day you force me to leave. Then I’ll go. And eventually, everyone will forget about me. But this place won’t.
But if we kiss, it will end the world. And I’ve ended the world before. No one survived. Least of all me…
Just when it seems like nothing could get worse in Haiti, on the evening of January 17th, 2010 at 17:51 UTC and 18:19 UTC - Haiti was struck by two more earthquakes: a 4.7 magnitude quake, and a 4.6 magnitude quake.
This further exacerbates their existing problems. News coming out of Haiti in the past few hours reveals many of the buildings that were barely left standing after the initial quakes were toppled under the force of the two more recent quakes. This means the already heavy death toll with only get more grim.
The people of Haiti need your help. Please take this time tonight to give whatever you can. Even a small amount does a great deal of good. In a country where 80% of the population makes less than $2.00 a day, a $10 donation to the American Red Cross is the equivalent of donating a week’s pay.
Please click this link and donate to the American Red Cross Haiti Relief and Development Fund.
